Spinster

Ok, so I spent Friday night watching The Office. My excuse–I worked all week. My other excuse–I’m going to a party tomorrow night. Anyway, I love The Office. I think that it’s hilarious and the casting is fabulous. I can’t even pick a favorite character. If you people aren’t watching it, you need to start.

Even though it would be hard to choose a favorite from among the many excellent characters, I have to say that I love Jim and Pam (Jam). Reason: everyone wants a Jim in their lives. He’s like Lloyd Dobbler (…Say Anything) except way hotter. And funnier. And more creative. Another reason: girls can easily imagine themselves as Pam. She’s smart but not too smart, pretty but not beautiful, and definitely doesn’t have enough self-confidence. She has this great guy (Jim) completely in love with her but she’s marrying someone else for security and comfort but certainly not happiness.

So, the season finale. There was a confession. And there were tears. And then there was seriously the most fabulous kiss ever. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been kissed like that, so directly and sweetly, with no drunken sloppiness or hesitation.

I’d like to announce that, thanks to Jim and Pam, there are now new Boyfriend Standards. (Yeah, there were Standards before, so no jokes!) Boyfriends and potential boyfriends must be: cute. Maybe not hot like Jim, but definitely, seriously, cute. And it’s not like personality doesn’t play a role in cuteness, so it’s not like I’m looking for some male model type. Moving on. Personality. And by personality, I mean wit and intelligence and inquisitiveness and creativity. Someone who gets the sarcasm. Someone who is curious about the world. Someone who has a little bit of an edge, too. Someone with just a hint of a mean streak. And, last but certainly not least, they have to be really into me. You’d think that would be obvious, but you’d be surprised. Otherwise, why would there be books like He’s Just Not That Into You? And why would I own it?

So thanks, Jam. Thanks for reaffirming the Standards. Thanks for being cute and funny. Thanks for a super sexy kiss.

Surprisingly, as exciting as my life is right now (eat, work, eat, sleep), I don’t really have too much to talk about. I bought dye yesterday, and Lorien and I are going to paint some yarn next weekend; I missed the season finale of The Office cause I was working (damn you, Thursday night!); um… see, I can’t even think of a third thing to add to my list. That’s how slow things are right now. But that’s ok, I suppose. It doesn’t really bother me.

I have been thinking a lot about Turkey and travel and life in general. You know how people always say, “Time flies when you’re having fun”? Well, in Turkey I was definitely having fun but those two weeks went by so slowly. And now that I’m back, and back at work, I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m having fun, but time is going so fast. I think that in Turkey, there was so much to see and do that I was so conscious of each moment. I knew that it would be a long time before I’d be able to travel like that again and I wanted to really be present. That’s a problem of mine—I’m always looking ahead, I expect the future to be so much better than the present. Inevitably, I end up being so fixated on what’s going to happen next that I’m not fully aware of what’s happening now. I made a conscious effort in Turkey to really be there, and to take in as much as I could.

I would like to recapture that feeling here, but how can I? Do I really want to be present every minute at work, or when I have horrendous papers to write? I feel like I’ve accepted the fact that this library science/archives program and possibly career is not necessarily my calling in life, if such a thing exists, and I would like to make the best of it, but if it’s not what I love should I try to be uber-conscious of it? Won’t that just make it that much more painful, that I’m spending two years surrounded by people who are fascinated by things like human-computer interaction (bores me to tears), when I’d really be doing something so much more creative and free?

It’s not that I want constant excitement or stimulation; far from it, in fact. I’d rather just be content, knowing that what I was doing with my time was productive and healthy and creative and good. I don’t have to make tons of money, though I’d like to be comfortable financially, and I definitely don’t need fame or followers.

I’m pretty sure that I won’t ever be locked in the ivory tower (thank God), so maybe I’m just feeling stifled by academia. I mean, I like my job well enough; it appeals to the side of me that enjoys putting together puzzles, but I certainly wouldn’t want to write papers about the philosophy of records management, or even archives. I guess I won’t know how much I actually like archives or libraries until I get out into the working world. For the time being, I guess I’ll just choose my moments to be present. For example, I don’t need to remember every second of writing my research methods paper…