Spinster

Whoever said that being in your mid-twenties was the best time of your life was seriously mistaken.  Yeah, it can be fun–we can stay out all night drinking and still make it to work on time; we are young and healthy and look as good as we ever will.  We are too old to be completely irresponsible and too young to be tied down.  Generally, we don’t have spouses or kids, mortgages (most of us still have roommates), or even real careers.  Some of us love the freedom that comes with no responsibilities; others of us find it annoying or terrifying.

Guess which one I am?  It’s not that I’m looking to get married or have kids; indeed, I finally realized that maybe I’m not even looking for a serious relationship right now, or if I am, it’s going to have to develop slowly.  However, I don’t really appreciate the uncertainty that this stage of life brings.  I hate not knowing where I will be living next year.  I hate not knowing which direction I want to take with this degree.  I hate having been through the move-to-new-city-make-new-friends song and dance several times, with more to come (most likely).

When I was younger, in middle and high school, I looked at twentysomethings with careers as boring and staid.  I know people who still see things through that lens.  However, I have long since realized that I will never be one of those people who wants to backpack through [insert name of Latin American, European, or Asian country here] for six months, then come home and work at some crappy job for a while before taking off again.  I want my working life to have some actual meaning to it, and I don’t think that is possible to achieve by flitting around the world at random.  I want to travel, for sure, but how can you afford to travel without having a real job?

Unfortunately, most of my interests and abilities don’t really parlay into actual careers.  Knitting and spinning?  Not likely.  Photography?  Possible, but given the nature of my personality and the fact that I wouldn’t make a very good self-employed businesswoman, not likely either.  I am terrrrrrible at math and science, despite having a keen interest in epidemiology.  I am, in theory, interested in history, but my mind just doesn’t seem to be interesting in retaining facts and dates.  The only parts of my academic and extracurricular careers that seemed at all lucrative were my interests in books, reading, and writing.  So archives and library science it was.  Which is fine.  However, there are sooo many different paths within library science, and I still haven’t decided on one.  Nothing has presented itself as a particularly attractive option, though I’ve been able to rule out the following: law librarian, gov docs librarian, any kind of digital services librarian.  That still leaves about a billion options, and as my schedule for next term isn’t solidified yet, I have some decisions to make.

To make this matter worse, I’ve been looking at job postings online (thanks a lot, Heather, for the inspiration to pursue that particular avenue of self-doubt), and I have no remote idea what in the hell I want to do with this degree.

Thus, I am having a quarter life crisis.