Spinster

Paperback Writer and I have been seeing each other, or dating, or whatever–we haven’t discussed our status–for about five weeks now. Last night, we had plans to go see Borat, and I originally thought that a bunch of my friends were going to come. PW invited several of his friends, and then my friends decided not to come. Which left me, PW, and PW’s friends. Here are some things I don’t do well: meeting new people, impressing new people, talking to new people. When faced with the prospect of having to interact with people I don’t know, my instinct is to want to cry or sleep. Or both. Before the movie, we were going to go out for drinks/dinner, which really put the fear of God into my heart. There is nothing more terrifying for those with an anxiety disorder that loves to display itself in social interactions than dinner with new people. Particularly new people who have already heard about me–Paperback Writer, in response to my panicky, “But they’re going to hate me!” said, “Aw, come on. It won’t be that bad. They’ll love you–I’ve been singing your praises.”

“Singing your praises.” That phrase, when used in the context of Tasha, is heart-stopping. I can’t stress enough how strongly I dislike unfamiliar social situations, and knowing that I would have to live up to expectations made me pretty much want to die. I immediately messaged everyone on Gmail Talk and emailed those who weren’t, desperate for advice. My friends did a good job of talking me down off of that particular ledge. I was still unsure of myself, so I went home and took a nap. (My philosophy is sort of an ostrich-bear hybrid — If I’m sleeping hibernating, I can’t see the problem and it can’t see me.)

I was relieved of much of my tension when PW sent me an email (we still haven’t exchanged phone numbers) saying that dinner was off and we would just be seeing the movie. I went over to his place and hung out with him, his roommate and their friend, Anastasia. I had been pretty nervous about meeting her (ya know, the whole girl who is a friend thing), but she turned out to be pretty easygoing and easy to talk to. The final member of our party arrived and we proceeded to the movie theater.

(Can I just say that Borat was super hilarious? I haven’t seen any new episodes of the show, nor have I seen any clips from the movie, so it was all new to me, and there were parts at which I was laughing so hard I was simultaneously crying AND unable to breathe.)

After the movie, we were supposed to go out for drinks but I bailed. I was so tired and still kind of feeling, not nervous or anything, but not exactly social. PW came home with me, which was cool though I did feel kind of bad about him leaving his friends. I thought I made it pretty clear that I wouldn’t be upset if he went out with them, so it was entirely his decision to come with me instead.

So, all in all, it ended up being a pretty good night. Which should teach me to not freak out about things, that everything will end up ok, but instead just reinforces another of my approaches to life–if I don’t panic about something, the worst will happen. If I do panic about it, the universe recognizes that and therefore prevents bad things from happening. It’s like Karma Koins. Or something.