Spinster

“I am a rock; I am an island.

…And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.”

My new motto?  You can’t draw blood from a stone.

I am 100%, completely, utterly, entirely done with feelings.  They do nothing but get me into trouble and I am sick of it.  If I didn’t have feelings, I wouldn’t spend half of my life crying; I wouldn’t spend the other half worrying about whether or not I’m adequate.  If I didn’t have feelings, I would be able to go with the rationality of what my head says, each and every time.  I can be a very, very emotional person, particularly when I’m not on anti-depressants or when I’m in the clutches of the red monster, but when I’m “myself,” I am actually a very practical girl.  Therefore, if I could eliminate feelings and hormones and chemicals from my body and my life, I would be able to rely on my thoughts instead of worrying about how I feel.  Fuck how I feel!

And I don’t want any comments from the peanut gallery (that would be you, Aundra) about how if we didn’t have feelings, life would be boring, and what about the good feelings, and all of that.  As if I haven’t weighed my options!  I totally have, and I’ve considered the boredom factor and the presence of positive emotions, but in the end, I had to decide that the boredom factor isn’t enough of a motivation, and positive emotions are always, always fleeting, and what goes up must come down, so I’m doing away with feelings.

To recap:

1. No more feelings.  And while we’re at it, no more:
2. Boys.
3. Crushes.
4. Dating.
5. Kissing.
6. Sex.

I might eventually decide to elaborate on the events behind all of this, and while most of you have already talked to me about it and the rest of you can guess what it is, it might be good to “talk” about it, but for now, I’m exhausted and it’s bedtime.

Happy belated American Thanksgiving and I hope all of your Black Fridays were consumptive.