Spinster

While most of my friends pass their tax stuff off to the family accountant, the guy who does the taxes in my family is my father. He’s had no interest in doing my taxes since about 1999, which is the first year I filed. I think my mom helped me with them once, but I’ve been on my own since my second year of undergrad. My taxes aren’t too complicated — I don’t own property or anything — but they’re still a pain in the ass. I can’t file 1040 EZ cause of the capital gains/losses (guess which) form I have to attach. This year, I have the added twist of having earned my income in Canada. Last night, I spent a few hours wading through the IRS website, looking for the various forms and publications that would shed light on whether or not I was a bona fide resident of Canada or just had physical presence here. I think I figured it out, but not before I came across a link on the site to something called, What’s hot in forms and publications. Let me say that again:

What’s hot in forms and publications.

I love the IRS and the US government for things like this. I’m sure there’s breaking news in the forms and publications department, but could they maybe have called it, What’s new in forms and publications, or Most popular forms and publications? Did they have to invoke Paris Hilton? What’s next? “IRS Gone Wild!”? “The Ladies of the IRS”? Can you imagine? I mean, don’t bother dressing it up for us, guys, we know what it is — it’s tax season, and nothing on the IRS website is going to make us pant and salivate, not even “hot” forms and publications.

I’m so getting audited.