Spinster

I discovered my least favorite kind of music last night.

My friends and I went to the Horseshoe Tavern to see some bands, none which I’d ever heard of. I’m not a huge live music freak, but if it’s rock I can usually get into it. The first band that played was your typical indie rock emo group, and their lyrics kind of sucked, but they played well. We were drinking pitchers and talking about our most embarrassing moments, which was kind of hilarious, and none of us was really that into the music. After the first band, there was a half hour break, at the end of which the worst band I’ve ever seen started performing.

Here’s the thing — I hate electronic music. With a passion. Back when raves were cool, in the ’90s, I just couldn’t get into it — the glowsticks, the pills, the god awful repetitive music, the horrendous dancing; I hated all of those things and the people that went along with them. I was so happy when techno became uncool. I mean, I’d rather listen to country music than electronica, that’s how much I hate it. So, anyway, this “band” (group? ensemble? I don’t know what to call them) played some kind of wacky electronic funk music. There were, like, seven members. The lead “singer” had two microphones, one that was normal and one that distorted everything that he said into completely unintelligible rumbling. There was a tambourine player. There was a cowbell. There was some kind of keyboard thing. There were the worst lyrics on earth (any guy who thinks that girls like to be called “mama” are insane, and also, I think that “jock,” the slang expression for penis, as in, “She wants my jock,” went out of style several years ago). There were instrumental pieces that the lead douchebag singer referred to as “space flights,” making the songs 10 minutes long. I HATE super long jam-band-esque songs. I like two songs by the Grateful Dead — Uncle John’s Band and Scarlet Begonias — because they are under 5 minutes long. I mean, my attention span is not long enough to accommodate some moron’s idea of his own 10 minutes of “genius.”

The night was actually pretty fun despite the music, as the many idiots in the bar were entertaining. Still, though, I will never get that half hour space flight back.