I don’t care if you ARE bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

July 14, 2007 at 2:36 pm | Posted in garden | 1 Comment


I hate these little bastards.

It’s unfortunate, because I am an animal lover — nay, an animal freak. I like animals the way other people like people. When I was a kid, I would jump into the pool to save drowning insects, for Christ’s sake. But now that I have a garden, I hate — HATE — squirrels.

Reason # 1: They love to dig. I don’t know if they’re burying nuts or just digging for digging’s sake, but they love to dig in my containers. At least once, sometimes twice, a week, I find that the dirt in my sweetpeas’ containers has been disturbed by clever little squirrel paws. It’s not such a big deal now that everyone is grown up and has strong roots and stems, but when my plants were just seedlings, it infuriated me. I took the lobelias indoors for a while to save them.

Reason #2: Even more than digging, they love picking my tomatoes. Do they eat them? No. They nibble at them, ripening ones and green ones alike, and then leave the gnawed-on carcasses all over the place: on the floorboards of the deck, on the railing, in the containers. I’ve been picking the toms as soon as I can and letting them ripen indoors — NOT ideal.

Reason #3: They have no remorse and no fear. You know with dogs and even sometimes with cats, when you catch them doing something they know is wrong, they look at you guiltily? Or, at the very least, they stop what they’re doing? Well, squirrels are NOT like that. Those bastards just do not care what you catch them doing. Even when you throw stuff at them. Furthermore, they taunt. They will sit on the railing and sort of chatter at me while I’m going about my garden business.

There is at least one squirrel — and when there’s one isn’t it, like, there’s 10 more in the walls? Oh wait. That’s roaches. Whatever, same diff — living in the roof of my apartment. S/he slips under the shingles and into the space between the ceiling and the roof and I’m pretty sure s/he’s the root of my squirrel problem. Who chewed up the hammock last year? Mr./Mrs./Ms. Squirrel could not resist such convenient bedding materials, I would imagine. Who “eats” my tomatoes? Same bastard that spies on me from its dark home in the roof when I’m on the deck.

I think I need a gun. Someone else suggested a crossbow. Note: I generally do not advocate violence and weapons, but in this case I’m willing to entertain the suggestion. My favorite solution to the problem? Lasso them, catch them, swing them around by their tails, and whip them off the deck. Of course, that is the solution in my dreams, not in reality.

My solution in reality is to mutter curses at them and blog about them. And it surprises me that I lose more and more tomatoes every day?


1 Comment »

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  1. Tasha,

    Your post on little squirrels reminded me of one of my favorite unknown bands from San Diego, wOnKa bAr. They have a song called “Mr.Squirrel”, you should listen to it, it’s pretty awesome.

    Here’s the link:



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