“I just wish I could do the important things…”

October 28, 2007 at 3:51 pm | Posted in things that annoy | 1 Comment
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“…like make a souffle, or pick out a necktie, or choose paint for the bedroom.” — Audrey Hepburn in Wait Until Dark (aka, Worst Movie Ever).

So, you know how there are film classics that seem to transcend time? Or plays that, because they examine universal themes, can be read and performed 400 years later without missing a beat? Or songs you listened to as a kid that you find yourself relating to as an adult?

Yeah, this movie has nothing in common with those films, plays, and songs.

Audrey Hepburn plays Susy, a blind NYC housewife who is home alone for the weekend when three men attempt to enter her apartment — separately — to find a doll that has drugs stashed in it. My friends and I first heard about this movie when we were at the cottage with her family this summer. Her parents and her aunt and uncle highly, highly recommended it, saying that it was one of the scariest movies they’d ever seen. And the way they described it, it did sound pretty scary. Then I mentioned it to a couple of my co-workers and they said it was terrifying, too. My mom said it was good. So, we were psyched to watch it last night.

And we found that it was just one of the most ridiculous movies we’d ever seen.

The acting was atrocious, staccatto and overwrought, and the “heroine” was so helpless and dependent on her husband, Sam, that it was actually pretty painful to watch. She had no life of her own. All she wanted to do was join Sam at his photography studio, and she wanted him to stay home from his business trip, and she was pretty upset about not being able to make a souffle or pick out a necktie or choose paint. It actually kind of nauseates me that women were reduced to that. And it would be one thing if she wanted to make a souffle cause it was something she actually WANTED to do, but she only wanted to do it because it was expected of her as a wife. I mean, are you fucking kidding me?

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